After a 1 1/2 years of dealing with that when he went to work I packed and left. dated narcissist man a year. Taxes? It’s really twisted. I forgot to mention that he gets paid at least 800$ but she only allows him to have 250$ out of it ! I try to think if I miss him so bad exactly what am I missing – the cussings, the way he was always so sneaky, the smart cut downs and comments, calling me stupid, etc., etc. Wow! Yiddishkeit. I figured an N would want to hold that over your head – have you be financially dependent. and. But the narcissist will try to drag you back into their lives on a more permanent basis. But admitting that it was hard for him to be a ‘mom’ and transitioning that feeling to “empathy” for ME being a fulltime mom is just inconceivable…it somehow doesn’t line up in their brain which is what is involved in order to have empathy. ), I had to provide a letter to confirm that he wasn’t paying me support……so, it’s clear that his brothers will always be asking, and again interesting to realize they are narcs too. Its so draining and a waste of time. My husband does NOT like to pay bills unless it effects him somehow, like child support. I bought my own snow tires. I WISH I was kidding. A fellow blogger, Carrie, from Ladywithatruck, said her ex once gave her an itemized invoice for things he felt she owed him, including forty-five cents he’d chipped in when she’d bought a slushy. They do not care. You will need to get your support network back. The system is broken, quite frankly my ex business partner should have been thrown right in jail instead of being allowed to roam freely to victimize more and more people! Again this clearly shows that he uses women to his advantage and he’s a parasite attaching himself until something better comes along! Except, eventually they find that even the best trip or jewelry cannot fulfill the need for love. They don’t think they should have to pay in the first place. well, i am still in it because of the mortgage with my name on it that he was living in but not paying (and then abandoned it), but at least i am no longer married to the jerk, and i handle my own finances a whole lot better without him interfering, even without him paying what he is supposed to. i handled the money and paid the bills, but he spent it out from under me without telling me and even lying about it. He got his license back and turned into the Maestro instantly! I’ve felt like a single mom since 2013. Especially those in real estate, construction, or developing! Go figure.. What I consider construction criticism is a serious attack on his character according to him. Once they are back in your life, become completely submissive, cater to their every whim, accept that they will still fool around with people they … But, if you need a quick fix, let’s get … I should mention that when we were together first time around I paid for so much, he was constantly ‘forgetting his wallet’ or asking me to help out when his two daughters came to stay, promising to pay me back. I have no one to help me. While most of us feel like we should honor our obligations–especially to friends and family–narcissists are lacking that integrity. It’s all BS bc he doesn’t need it or really want it..just an excuse to bother me. My ex owed more than $10,000 in arrears so I had to take him to court which brought it down but was worth the effort. The childhood of a narcissist is sad and a little scary. It’s their sick and twisted way to try and worm their way back in (because they owe you money) to your now happy life without them! My N and I broke up a year ago and as if I wasn’t convinced the first round, I went back with him a year later only to realized that, yup, he’s a nut. I have told you stories about my ex N wife and her super narc dad. This type of narcissist buys their partner and their children lavish homes/gifts/vacations to keep them appeased. And guess what your children will learn if they have a mother like this? I thought she was the crazy one but she was actually the smart one. Walking away and living your life is the best possible way to get back at a narcissist. The last narc that I was with, behaved in exactly the manner described. He got a job (as a salesman …and sold the car that I (!) Taking Back Power and Control From a Narcissist. Always. (I suspect his mother is the reason they are all this way, and also why they disrespect women – out of 5 brothers, 4 are divorced and abuse is a common denominator in each). Then, there are those who developed Narcissistic traits due to being neglected as a child, and then yet there are others whose parents over-praised them as a child, so they grew up feeling entitled to everything and everyone…, Either way, lack of empathy cannot be cured. don’t work it would take from your studies, besides I make enough for both of us. I just wish he could open his eyes and see how the things he’s done has affected our relationships as a family. He threatens his partner with the withdrawal of resources. Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! You described my second Narc to a T (moocher). He refused to sit down and create a budget with me and when i asked him to manage the finances, he refused that too. When he did make money he kept it for himself and it was a fight to get him to pay any household bills so of course I paid them. As punishment, The Broker of Deafening Silence ignores you. You can’t make it up – and people who haven’t dealt with it can’t believe it. He claims he was physically beaten by both parents and where his parents have a higher tendency.to lie about everything as he does…I don’t believe any of them except that his behavior def fits. With a narcissist, the blowup gets worse each time you reconcile. FYI the amounts his brothers are asking for now are higher. Can you share tips for regaining the self-esteem this type of living arrangement without getting a divorce? (Sounds like you did a great job with your daughter!). Just for the record, trying to make a narcissist miserable might have its place for a short period of time, but I don’t recommend focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably have an effect on your mental health and energy levels. NC really is the only way to end the crazymaking cycle and get on with your life. Eighty-Six The Rolls, Arguing With A Narcissist. When he is employed he makes decent money but when he gets fired he turns to credit cards. It’s crazy. What about the one who makes a lot of money, pays for all meals, entertainment etc., owns his home free and clear, has 7 high dollar cars, shops at Neiman’s, but whose girlfriend struggles, drives a 12 year old unreliable car, but won’t help her because it’s “not his responsibility”. It made me realize how shallow he was and is. Some don’t even have the stomach for it, or will get only so far before they give up from fear, intimidation, and/or sheer exhaustion. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. The lies and manipulation and betrayals hurt. Total emotional cripples. He does these things but only when he wants to and they are usually short lived. Clinically reviewed by Nicole Arzt, MS, LMFT. I confronted her parents and they confirmed she suffers from NPD. When I ignore him, he is all over my line and tells me how great of a woman I am and how he loves me, etc. Your first step is to get back in contact with these people. I don’t know where my narc falls – but I can tell you he’s a moocher. I once knew a narcissist who would make hundreds of dollars after receiving a bill for their personal property taxes. Their God complex simply won’t allow for that. Theynever, I hope by the time you get my reply you’ve been No Contact for a few days. I have a question, when the narcissist husband abuse his victim and hides all his assets How is that justice the curt let him win at the end minimum child support and the wife spent all her life with fear and abused HOW IS THAT FAIR. After awhile you feel like you sold your soul to the devil and in fact you did. I’m slowly weening him. After we separated he went out west to work and is now making a huge salary. He sounds like a mixture of the moocher and the moderate high paid individual. OH! He also turns to his sister for help if he’s really in trouble because her husband was very successful and wealthy. Even if you have a court order saying that they owe you! Everything was fine till we decided to get us a place. For example, if you are getting divorced and the narcissist is ordered to pay for insurance for your kids, or your mortgage payment, they might let it slide. He also does not have a boss who is hovering over him all the time, he’s independent and works alone most times with a lot of out of town driving, making it really easy to have and maintain multiple relationships outside of our marriage. […] form of financial abuse is manipulating a partner with money. Eventually I made him change a portion of the bills to his name and he would pay them because he didn’t want to ruin his credit. It’s hard to stay strong and accept that money is gone, that he won’t suddenly realise this debt needs to be paid …..I am hoping that therapy will help me let go of this illusion thanks for reading guys. It would be like going out on the beach with SPF 5 protection. He stopped paying mortgage on our house (or at least contributing to it) over a year ago when he lost his job as a cop (because he threatened/ manipulated me w/ suicide for the 2nd time). Exactly! Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kim Saeed with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. But as I neared the end of my course, she guilt tripped me to that point that my courses slipped out of my hand. Little does he know I’m thrilled. It has been three months and I realize he had me so brainwashed that I am still doing the woulda, coulda, shoulda stuff in my head. Over the last 1 1/2 years, I have constantly heard how I don’t appreciate a ____ thing! Ironically, my Ex is a car salesman, too , Yes, Moocher Narcs are vampires and there is nothing they won’t take from you…. So, in her case, I would suspect he will be a combo of type 2 and 3. I will take away what was good in the relationship, accept it is broken permanently and move on for my mental health and sanity. Alternately, they speak of starting a business that never finds its way into creation. * It never stopped Even his family wont help him now as they (at last) see what he is about I was paying his bills and he was throwing MY money in porn and interactive sex chat sites I am still paying off the debt he created And yes he is a car salesman! Don’t get me wrong, I think hobbies are healthy. My ex narcissist used ALL money and now I can’t pay my bills and I have a failure to yield ticket due to be paid at court in 3 weeks. I spent 6 years with the broker. He often made very poor decisions that made absolutely no sense. Yours is the kind of encouragement that keeps me going <3. Again, you are very astute about your observations, and I continue to feel stupid at how I was fooled. I asked her, ” did she really use that word, validated” and she said yes she did. He definitively fits a narcissistic behavior. By the time the relationship comes to an end, his partner feels unemployable and worthless because she’s worked for him for years, has no real resume, and she can’t obtain a recommendation. For reasonable people, winning is usually just getting what’s fair. Thank you for sharing that my post has been helpful to you, Kinetix! If a Narcissist finds out that you have been talking about them, even in a negative way, they are getting supply from you. As long as they look good to their adoring public – we can starve for all they care. ooh the deer in headlights look, i know that one well! Because they are so skilled at lying and deceit, much of the true nature of what is happening escapes attorneys and judges alike. So if a narcissist owes you money, don’t depend on it or expect it. Makes a lot of money and thinks it’s their only obligatory contribution to the relationship. That is a possibility. I also have an Amazon store on the right side of the page with other suggested readings and tools. so glad i got out of that financial mess. Less money for us means MORE money for them. Attention is one of the biggest forms of Narcissistic Supply – even if it’s negative attention. I noticed with my own narcopath ex, that he refused to pay for over a year and at the same time, he was refusing to see my son. And don’t go back….they NEVER change ….much as I wish they could. If they do pay, it is almost always because their wages are garnished, and when that happens, they feel entitled to something. They are the ones who often find a way to go on disability or take advantage of government assistance, along with deceiving various family members and partners – for the purpose of getting their money. Narcissism 8 Ways to Handle a Narcissist How to keep your own emotions in check when dealing with difficult people. Those of us who share a child with a narcissist have to learn to lean only on ourselves because the other parent is never going to be reliable without some benefit to them. Doing all of these things together is the best approach to healing. Narcissists and Money, How Narcissist Act When it's Time to Pay Up Narcissists and money they want to control your money. We don’t deserve anything?? I wish I’d known about what narcissism really was before marrying my ex – OBVIOUSLY. What a nightmare. But, since they don’t have feelings for anyone but themselves, they typically don’t help anyone out unless there is some type of benefit for them. First, thank you for sharing and making a place available for others to share. Thanks for this article. You can’t say anything to the narcissist about it either because they will just go after the child and try to yell or argue about how you are just trying to make them look bad or yell at the kid about what they said – that’s not worth it. | The Faces of Narcissism, Narcissistic abuse survivors learn to better understand society, Society doesn’t like people who are different. Lobby Forum.. Kim, I’ve only recently figured out that my husband is a Narc. When we got married, I paid for 90% of the wedding despite us agreeing to split everything down the middle. He also gave me very thoughtful gifts which is a contradiction to the typical narc. My is number two I left my job went to work with him built is business up I couldn’t take it I open my on business and he pull out all financial support and now he won’t pay for my meds or anything ! Never was able to figure that one out. I just want to warn all you ladies and men who See a narcissist red flag…get out, and if you don’t get out, don’t lend them money. I’ve seen narcissism from far away, and sadly fits one of this profiles. From moocher to dollar lama to the maestro and back to moocher. They will LIE LIE LIE and ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE! Ha like I care about driving a fancy car. How dare you even think of giving two dollars to the Salvation Army bell-ringer? Thank you for letting me know how much my posts have helped you. They think nothing of spending lots of money on themselves while the people they owe money to struggle, but they don’t have empathy to see what their selfishness does to others. What did he do for it??? I feel I’m completely destroyed, […] However, not every narcissist is the same. Thank you for reading my post. He won’t pay for anything over and above the measly court ordered child support and took me to court several times to get it down to what it is. AND I had to borrow money from my parents all while he had more than enough money to cover everything for a short time. I called the police and he was arrested…not before he smashed furniture and broke his own hand thumping walls. Had to reply to this…my Narc ex repeatedly said he should have more (aka “all”) the say in every decision because he “brought more to the table” (aka “money”). Coincidentally, this type is usually associated with highly-educated narcissists with careers such as CEO, MD, Attorney, Psychologist, and so on. To top that off he projects his faults on everyone, calling us and just about everyone else moochers, losers, and wannabes. She put the down payments herself with her hard earned money. Why? They will also get some not all of them will ask you to open a separate bank account something that they can use to hide money from their acts for me my ex narcissist had me open an account twice. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Then the mom tells my daughter ” he bought that boat for you” which is bull S, my x has been begging her dad to buy a new boat for 15 years, he bought it for the x because she divorced me, the only obstacle in the way to getting to my daughter, the ultimate in N supply. Thus the bankruptcy. Every serious life coach and mental health professional who understands narcissists and treats survivors will tell you the same thing. I’m three years out now, and I’m so glad because had I stayed, it would have been akin to running a horror film on continuous loop. His new supply supposably paid the $10,000 of back child support so he could renew his passport and get married! He is currently with a new victim – a young woman (half his age) who he says he is having a kid with (he has never confirmed that the child has been born). Notify me of follow-up comments by email. I never got to take any trips in the 10 years we were married – he did take several and always had money to golf, etc but I was stuck paying bills…..and trying to save money, which he made impossible. The first time I opened it of course he conned me into it and I wasn’t comfortable with this but the sob stories of the wife and wanting to have money and you know freedom. The Maestro of Deafening Silence – This definitely was my ex husband. You deserve better than how you’ve been treated, as I’m sure you know. With all that said, the most helpful things you can do are: guided meditations on self-esteem (I have some here and there are others on YouTube), diffusing essential oils (lavender, rose, Melissa – you can find more under my “Healing Tools” tab), and reading the books that I have listed under the healing tools tab. Karma will get him. He refuses to have any normal relationship physical, mental, or emotional. Sometimes she make me feel as if my boyfriend and I are rushing to move out and that its going to be a mistake that we did so. I'd like to receive the free email course. The victim is the one who ends up paying all the bills such as rent, utilities, car payments, vacations, and everything else while the no-good narcissist lays out of work and plays hop-scotch with employers until finally, they either succeed at getting disability for some bogus condition, end up as a car salesman, or selling supplemental policies for Aflac. The best way to get back at a narcissist is by acting completely neutral about them – especially amongst your mutual community. Wow, Stephanie, sounds a lot like someone I used to know , I’m glad you got out of that situation. You pointed out that every single Narc wants their partner to think it is their fault and that by the words of his last email he was trying to convince me I had hope of a future with him if I “fixed” myself. It’s no wonder I feel like I am going crazy. I want to say THANK YOU for the recent reply you sent me with regard to no contact with my ex-narc of 7 1/2 years. He makes 75K a year!!….. I walked by him when no one was looking or close and said “Oh, you can pay an attorney, but not your bills.” After court i get a blocked call, knew it was him, the next day i get a message from his,Dad’s phone, his Dad never contacts me. He has a 5 mil dollar house in Colorado. But I wouldn’t bet money on it. Steph, it seems you didn’t buy the car Good for you. But, as you pointed out, you can accurately judge their character by whether they’re willing to help someone in need, especially if they truly have “feelings” for that person. I guess she feared that, I too would be called doctor. Oh Kim, I just had to respond to this post. They want everyone to think they are wealthy and tasteful, but once someone falls for The Moocher, they realize it’s all a cover-up. I know now why he left me in charge of the finances, one – because he didn’t want the responsibility, two – he said it was too stressful and he didn’t have the time or patience and three – he’s been telling people i’m financially abusive! But all the while you know that they are taking advantage of you, betraying you behind your back and abusing your good will, loyalty and dedication. My Narc turned out to be my own father unfortunately. So.. He insisted that I live 2 hours away from him and continue my education, when he lives down the street from a prominent university. I even kept my own house! She sacrificed her dreams of opening up a bakery and going to college for the sake of me and my sibling. Usually, Dollar Lamas are male and convince their wife, fiancé, or girlfriend to leave her career in order to help him out at home or in his business. Well, today was quite an adventure. He bankrupted our savings account of over $20K and cashed out his over $5K retirement… he kept spending about $4K-5K/ mo for next 6mo while I was making payments on our house and all the other bills … later, he tried to make up w/ me, tried to convince me to pay for his health insurance, or take vacations w/ him and his 2 male friends. This really puzzles me and is one of the main reasons it took a while for me to realize he was in fact a narc. He drained me dry while reminding me that he “supported” ME, doling out the money he forced me to give him like it was a gift from him. I think there should be a class on it so we can avoid it because the narcissists will never realize it in themselves anyway. DON’T FALL FOR THIS TRAP!!! If she doesn’t comply with his impossible demands, he cuts off her cell phone, leaves her without gas money, constantly threatens to kick her out of their shared residence, and will even fire her if she’s on his payroll. I had no way of knowing that there is far more to a narcissist than financial abuse. But let us never fear to negotiate.’ John. If I ever asked anything he thought was inappropriate, I was cussed and told to get my _____ stuff and get out. I am grateful to have survived both failed marriages with narcs!!!! Reblogged this on The Story of my Twin Boys , Oliver and Oscar Ferreira. Every time, I heard her complain about money I would mention that I would go to work, she pleaded oh no! ??? F. Kennedy. My ex Narc comes from a family of narcissists. I am in no contact and sometimes when I get weak I just have to think how hard I am working I almost lost my home because of him Please do not forget ::and N is a vampire They take everything from you then tell you how loathsome you are Thank you for keeping me on the path of NO CONTACT, I’m so glad to know my post helped you stay strong in your journey of No Contact. We meet countless people in our lifetime. I had to wait until I was well enough to order everything from the internet and have it delivered! I feel bad that they went through some pretty horrible circumstances in order for them to become this way BUT I no longer pity these people. Even though he is a liar, I know the wages out there are high for the trades he has so he would be making a substantial income. He was physically violent with me when I was against him vacationing w/ his friends separately from me when we had somewhat decent marriage. Do you really think the courts care? They’d go to their partner claiming it was their responsibility to pay, then they’d also tell a sob story to their two siblings about how they just couldn’t afford it and would get the total from each of them, too. Anyway, since his job started I October 2014 I lent him another £250 …one occasion he rang me from a hotel in the town he works in begging me to lend him £125 so he didn’t have to drive his car home and risk his licence. Anytime I got a little saved, there would be something that needed repair, etc and of course, his money would be “tied up” paying his brothers’ loans, or buying equipment for the shop, etc. I am simply ignored. He’s never proud of me or my brother (or even my mom) no matter how hard we work to make him proud. What angers me the most–and it shouldn’t bc I know it’s a narc trait–is the way he acts as though Im such a horrible person and he’s the self sacrificing one who did all he could for the relationship. Great point- they feel ENTITLED to other people’s money! He probably would have driven off into the sunset, never to be seen again…. Fml. In one of my discussions with my x I was asking for honesty and openness. Reblogged this on My World and commented: My mom felt Jerry was using me for my money. This one has grabbed me in a completely different and unexpected way. AND then, he stopped working, eventually the court threatened to suspend or revoke his driver’s license if he missed one payment. When are you ever going to get with the program and stop being so selfish? Makes moderate to high-level income and uses it as a weapon. I married number one, and that’s where he stayed during the entire length of our marriage…yes, it is indeed feces. I decided I was tired of the lies – cheating – treating me like garbage and filed for divorce. I will never know how he is with his new partner but I know how he was with me, and knowing that he is classic narc makes it a little less confusing although not less painful. But today is worth millions so he graduated to the 3rd tier. He was told he could be bipolar by a specialist but brushed it off. So, after a box of tissues I was able to get her laughing again. Many of us are not prepared for the behaviour of our partners during divorce, until we come to the conclusion - sometimes too late – that our partner is a narcissist. All shallow empty shells that thought their prominence, money and the fact they went to church made them a perfect family. His mother was always bumming money too. I wish someone would have told me before we adopted. I understand why they react violently when they are no longer worshipped or when they are laughed at, by the request for intimacy being a capital offense always leaves me perplexed.
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